These precious words

 Den här är egentligen skriven 2006. Men jag läste igenom den här igår och tyckte om den. Känns annorlunda nu än den gjorde då. Jag hoppas att ni gillar den.

This one i wrote in 2006. But I read it yesterday and I loved it. Kinda feels different now than it did back then. I hope you like it.

These precious words

I never really understood your words, even though they were the most beautiful words I had ever heard. For me it wasn’t words, it was something more, more beautiful. More important. A promise after another. More words. I believed every whisper every sound that your mouth gave me. I believed them because I needed something to hold on in this world when everything else was crumbling apart. You gave me a shelter for the night. A hiding place, where I could be myself. Not need to act anything different. There in your home, in your arms I could relax, let down my guard and just breath for awhile even though that was hard with you there. You made me breathless everytime you entered the room. You made the room glow in a special way, a light that was meant only for my eyes to see.
From the day you kissed me lightly on the lips I knew that I was meant for you, and you were the one for me. Never ever have I thought differently. Your mouth made my insides jump and make cartwheels at the same time. Your soft lips tasted like heaven when they made contact with mine. The sweet taste that I miss all of the time when you’re not on my side.
I couldn’t believe that you really were there and were not going anywhere. I was not just one of the others. I was something special in your eyes too. Everytime you didn’t call and told me were you were I got scared. Was this the end?
But it never was. You always came back to me.
Your eyes were like stars. Shining like stars do in the night. If one could drown in someones eyes I would have drowned in yours.
The smile you gave me made me melt on the spot. I felt like I couldn’t move, and you always had to take the steps towards me. At that time you always gave me a light kiss right on the lips and that just made me, the wet pile on the floor disappear, vanish into the air.
The sweet words you whispered in my ear when I was about to fall asleep with your arms around me and you breathing in my neck. I could feel your warm body against mine, making me warm and fussy inside. All I did was feel, no words needed and they would probably just have ruined the moment.
Sometimes I did make a little sound just to hear you ask.
”What is it Shin?” Always the same words and tone. A little concerned but just a little. I could feel you move up a bit from the matress probably leaning on your elbow. Your eyes were locked on me and could almost feel them in my neck. I smiled a bit but didn’t open my eyes. I let you look at me with a question written all over your face. Every time it was the same thing, you never stopped asking.
”I just wanted to hear you voice.”I heard you laugh a bit and relax again. You kissed my neck for a few minutes and made me all warm inside once again. That was your talent. You always knew what buttons, and where they were, to push. Your hands and fingers traced my body with care, gently like you were scared of scareing me away. I wanted to tell you that you could not do that, but I never found the right words to use. And the fear of using the wrong words made me silent. I chose to keep them to myself.
You kept on kissing me until you reached my lips, and of course did not stop there, but you took a small pause when you just looked into my eyes, with a small smile on your lips. I made eyecontact with you for the first time in many minutes. You touched my chin with your soft fingers and made me shiver.
”Are you cold?” Your voice was just a whisper not to break the moment. The perfect moment.
I shook my head a bit. The truth was that I was burning up more then freezing. Once again I had a hard time to breathe, to get air into my lugns.
Then you kissed me and I thought I was going to faint for loss of oxygen. I felt like I was about to die any second but still I felt more alive then ever.
Your lips left mine when we both needed air too much to continue. A smile formed on your beautiful face. I wanted to remember that moment forever, never forget.
I smiled lightly and touched your face and you took my hand and kissed it gently.
”I love you, Shin.”
My heart stopped beating and I couldn’t breathe. I knew what you wanted me to say and you also knew that I had a hard time saying it. Never had I told another person that I loved him or her. My family of course but besides them, never. I could feel tears in my eyes and I looked away from your eyes so that you wouldn’t see them.
I heard you sigh and I knew that you were sad. Disappointed. Without a word you left the room.
Now I could feel tears running down my cheeks. I did love you more then anything. Didn’t you know that?
Why couldn’t I say the words?
How hard can it be to say three words?
I love you.