feedback on my writing
(I don’t really know why I am putting this here. I just have lost my mind and don’t really have anything else to say.)
(I love that person and she is a sweetheart. ♥)
. † Suck KitKat † . sock sock . 286 ! . Destructive Reconstructive . sanoo:
thank you *nod* X3
I’m going to read it in a moment, just going to write a forum post. x3;;
Emzi – Chibi || Piknik den 1.7 Be there or you’re just plain stupido (or smart whatever)! sanoo:
you’re so welcome.
Take your time. I’m not going anywhere
. † Suck KitKat † . sock sock . 286 ! . Destructive Reconstructive . sanoo:
“they’re” is short for “they are”. You used “they’re” two times at places where the word you’re lookin for is, “their”.
“Toshiyas” should be, “Toshiya’s”, because “Toshiyas” indicates on many Toshiyas, while “Toshiya’s” means something that is Toshiya’s, like “toshiya’s smile”, “toshiya’s cup of coffee”, etc., if you understand what I mean. In turn, Toshiyas’, with the mark -after- the ‘s’, means
. † Suck KitKat † . sock sock . 286 ! . Destructive Reconstructive . sanoo:
something that many Toshiyas do or have.
. † Suck KitKat † . sock sock . 286 ! . Destructive Reconstructive . sanoo:
. † Suck KitKat † . sock sock . 286 ! . Destructive Reconstructive . sanoo:
but then again, my grammar sucks, so don’t take me too seriously. X3;; And I apologize if I said something in a way that’s confusing, as that could be misinterpreted, which wouldn’t be so nice. ^_^”
. † Suck KitKat † . sock sock . 286 ! . Destructive Reconstructive . sanoo:
Anyhow…
. † Suck KitKat † . sock sock . 286 ! . Destructive Reconstructive . sanoo:
I thought it was quite good, actually. Moving too fast? I’d not say that, no. It depends on what has been going on -before- the story starts, however. I think the reason someone’d say that is probably because they don’t think about earlier chances to interaction between the members. All you’ve done is to start the story immediately at the point where it gets interesting, and there’s nothing wrong
. † Suck KitKat † . sock sock . 286 ! . Destructive Reconstructive . sanoo:
with that. ^_^
. † Suck KitKat † . sock sock . 286 ! . Destructive Reconstructive . sanoo:
The storyline, I can’t comment on so much at the moment, but it seems like a good story that doesn’t require the reader to be an expert at remembering the things happening before, which is good relaxation.
. † Suck KitKat † . sock sock . 286 ! . Destructive Reconstructive . sanoo:
There’s no point in the story where I was bothered by anything, as far as I remember, except at one time when I thought the sentences were… “chunky”, in lack of better way to put it, but that is probably just me, because I usually am very sensitive about things like that when I read.
. † Suck KitKat † . sock sock . 286 ! . Destructive Reconstructive . sanoo:
Overall, there’s nothing particulary wrong with your English. In fact, I’d say it’s quite good considering how little you have written in English so far. I think that with a little bit more time and with more opportunities to use the English language, you could become very good.
. † Suck KitKat † . sock sock . 286 ! . Destructive Reconstructive . sanoo:
Your active vocabulary is good, and since I know you probably have a higher passive vocabulary, I hope you can learn to use that part of your knowledge about the English language, too.
. † Suck KitKat † . sock sock . 286 ! . Destructive Reconstructive . sanoo:
About Shinya, Toshiya and etc., I can’t say much. I don’t know so much about their personalities, since I only listen to Diru’s music but do not take interest in the members as much as I’d like to. But I think you gave them all a very believeable personality, so I’m not complaining, just cheering.
. † Suck KitKat † . sock sock . 286 ! . Destructive Reconstructive . sanoo:
I enjoyed reading it. Hope to read more of it, too.
. † Suck KitKat † . sock sock . 286 ! . Destructive Reconstructive . sanoo:
Okay, done now.
